It is no secret, breast cancer affects all of us. My mom lost her battle eleven years, 6 months and 4 days ago. Not a day goes by that I don’t miss her, that I don’t think about her and that I don’t hate cancer more than the day before. I have learned in these past 4,195 days to live with the joy of her memory, to laugh again, to love deeper and to trust. It isn’t easy. I hear stories all the time about survivors and I am truly happy for them. I feel guilty when I wish it were my mom that survived. Sometimes I feel like I am the survivor and that doesn’t feel right either. After all, I never had radiation. I just helped my mom through those days and the pain and the burnt flesh and the fear. I never had chemotherapy. I just sat and held her hand while it dripped for hours and then helped her at home get through the hours of puking and crying. I didn’t take the medications that made me weak and tired and distant. I just sat on the bed with her while she did and watched movies and read to her. I didn’t die but she did and since she took that last breath, I have never been the same. It happened at 8:01 am on April 5, 2003. The nurse shift was changing and we didn’t have a new one yet. We were alone. I was in charge. I didn’t know what to do. I lived through a nightmare but somehow managed to love my brothers through it and we survived.
Today, I am alive and happy and filled with joy AND a piece of me is gone. It went with her and it is daily occassion that I remind myself that it is okay to be happy even though she lost the battle. It is not my fault that I didn’t find the right doctor, that I didn’t catch on sooner, that I couldn’t save her. She was the perfect mom for me, a source of unconditional love and a true giver to this world.
Crafting fills me with good feelings and peace. I create because it fuels my soul. For this month of October, I decided to create 5 quick crafts using my iLoveToCreate stash of great products that celebrate our bond as women and our commitment to finding a cure. Here they are!
Painted Rocks with Tulip Slick Paint
DIY Denim Patch with Fashion Glitter and Aleene’s Fabric Fusion Sheet
Tie Dyed Socks with Tulip One Step
Photo frame with Collage Pauge (Yes, that is my mom)
Here is an amazing story about a breast cancer journey! Take a minute to watch this video and be sure to have your tissues handy.