I interrupt the daily creative dose of crafty fun and recipes to share from deep in my heart. I have had enough of social bullying in this otherwise amazing world of blogging. I am sickened by those who make crap up, spread it as truth and then operate from the rumors.
It is disgusting. It is enough. The damage that gets created from those who are insecure, immature and unprofessional has no place. Blogging is a career choice for many. For those who use it as a hobby and an outlet to be mean, it is poison. For those who use it as a way to get “free” things, it is an outrage. For those who use blogging merely to grow their own meaning, it is unfortunate.
It takes GREAT courage to share. I love to create but when it comes to sharing, it is not an easy peasy thing. I put myself out there all the time. It only makes sense that somewhere out there in the social media world, there is yuck.
To clarify why I am sharing this, within weeks of the end of 2016, a bunch of member of my Laura Kelly Design team quit. Their reasons were lame and made no sense. The emails I received contradicted each other and were strange but had connections. These were from “friends” I had supported, loved and trusted for 11 months (many longer). I was truly honored to have them in my space. To say the least, I was shocked. I felt betrayed. I was hurt. Their little lies and stories caused me to completely break down. I lost my drive, my belief in myself and my hope. I cried for months. I felt alone. I was afraid to try anything new. I was embarrassed. I was a complete mess.
Well, I have myself back. I realize it was just a bunch of crap led by a bully, a social bully. Here are the signs that you are in a relationship with someone who just might turn on you when she feels low and really be a social bully. Before I list the things I missed, here is the definition…
The Definition of Social Bullying:
“Social Bullying. Social or covert bullying involves spreading rumors about another person, purposely leaving someone out of an activity or group or embarrassing a person in public. Another form of bullying that falls into this category involves encouraging others to avoid a certain person or group.”
Okay, back to that list…
- An overnight bestie is NOT a bestie. I had never even used the term bestie in a relationship. Anyone who needs a bestie (or an exclusive girl gang that leaves others out) is desperate for acceptance and love.
- Bullies are sneaky as snakes. They don’t even sometimes know they are bullies because their games seem real to them. They have list of who the like and who they do not. Bad sign.
- People who talk about others and put them down will talk about you too. This is true. I only wish I had stood up for the others being talked about early in this game. Eventually, the pawn became me.
- If someone has jumped from industry to industry and they are new to yours, there might be a story or a reason. Do your research. They just might have been disrespected for their bully-ish ways and are new in your arena looking for a new playground for their games.
- Social bullies won’t talk to you in person. They will do it online because it is easy. It is sad but true. They will make memes and code words, sometimes even create a gang…all to hurt you…without ever seeing you face to face. Others will buy their story. They don’t know better because they are misled. Sadder.
So, I am here to say that I am on the other side. It has been sort of Hell-ish but I know who I can count on. I am proud to say that the companies that I work with (except one) stood by me and continue to support my growth as a designer and blogger. My heart is full of love knowing that the friends who truly know me have loved me so hard through this. Some of those team members who bought into the drama have since asked forgiveness and requested to remain friends. Of course. Of course I forgive. It is my gift to myself to forgive. It is the key to growth and the key to moving forward.
Sometimes grown up bullies hurt more than their target. Their disgusting attempts to make themselves feel important and big hurt extended family members and other friends. The fallout of this crazy experience affected my Girl Scout troop with members locally and pen pal letters from California. It affected my social groups and had me kicked out of one entirely in the neighborhood. It affected my children, all four of them, in ways that I never thought possible. I was horrified that other mothers would create such crap and let it damage child relationships.
Don’t be afraid to tell it like it is. I did. I was honest and open with my kiddos and friends. They loved me through the hardest of days and because I can forgive and let it all go, so can they. That is AMAZING to witness. It makes being a mom and friend have such a deeper meaning.
If you are feeling bullied, reach out. You are not alone. You never were. You never will be. I am here and so are many many others who feel your hurt. It sucks. However, being on the other side, it is a HUGE gift in so many ways. It has reminded me who I am. It has strengthened the relationships that matter. Am I sad, well yeah. There are a lot of losses. Do I grieve? Uh huh. But grieving is healthy.
What can you do?
- Make peace with your truth.
- Surround yourself with others who care about everyone.
- Be honest and kind.
- Forgive and Move On!
If you are having a hard time with the about, read up and get some knowledge. There is power in knowledge.
Beating the Workplace Bully: A Tactical Guide to Taking Charge
I am here for you. I am here for them. I will continue to strive to be honest, kind and creative. Bye bye to feeling bullied. Good riddance.
XO,
Laura
Thank you. These words are helpful to hear for us all.Chris Domino
Thanks Chris! <3
Many hugs! Thanks for sharing and being open.
I learn from you. You are the best!
Gee whiz, I had no idea you were going through this and it angers me. I also want to know who it so I can avoid them! You still have lots of friends who love you. I haven’t the time nor the patience for the mean girls in life, or the minions who follow them. Hugs and thank you for sharing. I think you’ll find a lot of support in doing so.
Big hugs your way!
Love you Terri. No need to worry about the “who”. Just keep being your loving awesome self. <3
You are the best hugger. XO
The creative soul is fragile and as a result resilient. I’m sorry that anyone treated you that way. But be thankful for your scars for the reveal your strengths. Hugs and giggles from Team White.
I’m so sorry you had to go through all of this. Social media really can be awful but social bullies are going to bully anywhere. I think you’re amazing no matter what! xoxoxo
I think you are totally amazing too!!!
Thanks Vee. Team White’s hugs are giggles are the best!
Laura,
Thank you for writing this strong but difficult post. Being bullied can shake you to your core. Experiencing this can make you question yourself. Personally I think it is the hardest part when you normally have a happy spirit. Silence is the most difficult. When you are excluded from part of your business that once was. My moto is building up. You too encourage others to work beside you to grow. Having all that taken away from people who called themselves friends. Your courage to say enough has strengthened me today. For this I am eternally grateful.
Good bye bullies hello Laura! Plus Karen and many others who sat silently squashed by the weight.
Shake it off starts today.
Hugs,
Karen Marie
Oh Laura this saddens and inspires me at the same time. Unfortunately I can relate. You are fabulous! Love you my sweet friend. Oxoxo
Oh sweet girl! I am sorry you had to go through this. I just went through a similar situation and it really knocked the wind out me. I hear ya! You are AWESOME! xo
Thanks Susan. Sending you love.
Love you too Brandy! Choose inspiration. Let the sadness go away.
Silence is the worst. Being blocked and excluded feels the total worst. Until you realize that it really what is best. Surround yourself with authentic, kind hearted and loving friends. You know they are when they are committed to loving ALL people, even the most difficult ones.
Fantastic and brave post my friend. Every word resonated as I have been through it as well – it can make you want to hide, give up, really get your money’s worth out of Netflix! (Humor and soft tissues always help me)
Keep shining your light – you are so loved and such an inspiration. Huge hugs coming your way!
You are very brave to post this on your blog. I stand with you to get rid of bullies. There is no place for these kinds of people. I am sorry that you had to experience it first hand with members of your team. Sometimes I think that jealousy overcomes certain people and they can’t help themselves to tear deep wn people, instead of being happy to be part of a team and be encouraging and positive. Hang in there!
Thanks Jamie. I could not agree more. Jealousy is the root of so much evil. LOVE YOU!
Thanks Tara. You are so loved too. I hope I see you soon. XOXO
thank you for sharing this. I am very sorry you experienced this and am sorry for all who go through similar social bullying episodes. Sending love and hugs and thanks for you being you – strong and confident and forgiving.
Thank you for sharing this, there is so much manufacturing of “truth”, posting parts of conversations so they can be taken out of context, and just sheer bullying going on in the community today. There are a lot of innocent people being touted as bullies, when in fact they are the ones now being bullied in the name of association with bullies. Did you follow that? Lol. I have so many friends in the middle of a organized bully party, I just can’t bear it anymore. Regardless, this post rocked and I will print it out and frame it. I’m praying for continued happiness, success and true friendships for you. I too forgive the social bullies!I have no choice, I’m not going to let them steal my joy! Thank you so much for your post
I could not agree more. There are many who get involved without knowing what is even happening. That is what makes me so sad. The ring leaders know exactly what they are doing and they draw others in on falsehoods and untruths. It needs to stop. Until then, forgive and move on…right? XOXOXO