Bye Bye Social Bullies

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I interrupt the daily creative dose of crafty fun and recipes to share from deep in my heart.  I have had enough of social bullying in this otherwise amazing world of blogging.  I am sickened by those who make crap up, spread it as truth and then operate from the rumors.

It is disgusting.  It is enough.  The damage that gets created from those who are insecure, immature and unprofessional has no place.  Blogging is a career choice for many.  For those who use it as a hobby and an outlet to be mean, it is poison.  For those who use it as a way to get “free” things, it is an outrage.  For those who use blogging merely to grow their own meaning, it is unfortunate.

It takes GREAT courage to share.  I love to create but when it comes to sharing, it is not an easy peasy thing.  I put myself out there all the time.  It only makes sense that somewhere out there in the social media world, there is yuck.

To clarify why I am sharing this, within weeks of the end of 2016, a bunch of member of my Laura Kelly Design team quit.  Their reasons were lame and made no sense.  The emails I received contradicted each other and were strange but had connections.  These were from “friends” I had supported, loved and trusted for 11 months (many longer).  I was truly honored to have them in my space.  To say the least, I was shocked.  I felt betrayed.  I was hurt.  Their little lies and stories caused me to completely break down.  I lost my drive, my belief in myself and my hope.  I cried for months.  I felt alone.  I was afraid to try anything new.  I was embarrassed.  I was a complete mess.

Well, I have myself back.  I realize it was just a bunch of crap led by a bully, a social bully.  Here are the signs that you are in a relationship with someone who just might turn on you when she feels low and really be a social bully.  Before I list the things I missed, here is the definition…

The Definition of Social Bullying:

“Social Bullying. Social or covert bullying involves spreading rumors about another person, purposely leaving someone out of an activity or group or embarrassing a person in public. Another form of bullying that falls into this category involves encouraging others to avoid a certain person or group.”

Okay, back to that list…

1. An overnight bestie is NOT a bestie.  I had never even used the term bestie in a relationship.  Anyone who needs a bestie (or an exclusive girl gang that leaves others out) is desperate for acceptance and love.
2. Bullies are sneaky as snakes.  They don’t even sometimes know they are bullies because their games seem real to them.  They have list of who the like and who they do not.  Bad sign.
3. People who talk about others and put them down will talk about you too.  This is true.  I only wish I had stood up for the others being talked about early in this game.  Eventually, the pawn became me.
4. If someone has jumped from industry to industry and they are new to yours, there might be a story or a reason.  Do your research.  They just might have been disrespected for their bully-ish ways and are new in your arena looking for a new playground for their games.
5. Social bullies won’t talk to you in person.  They will do it online because it is easy.  It is sad but true.  They will make memes and code words, sometimes even create a gang…all to hurt you…without ever seeing you face to face.  Others will buy their story.  They don’t know better because they are misled.  Sadder.

So, I am here to say that I am on the other side.  It has been sort of Hell-ish but I know who I can count on.  I am proud to say that the companies that I work with (except one) stood by me and continue to support my growth as a designer and blogger.  My heart is full of love knowing that the friends who truly know me have loved me so hard through this.  Some of those team members who bought into the drama have since asked forgiveness and requested to remain friends.  Of course.  Of course I forgive.  It is my gift to myself to forgive.  It is the key to growth and the key to moving forward.

Sometimes grown up bullies hurt more than their target.  Their disgusting attempts to make themselves feel important and big hurt extended family members and other friends.  The fallout of this crazy experience affected my Girl Scout troop with members locally and pen pal letters from California.  It affected my social groups and had me kicked out of one entirely in the neighborhood.  It affected my children, all four of them, in ways that I never thought possible.  I was horrified that other mothers would create such crap and let it damage child relationships.

Don’t be afraid to tell it like it is.  I did.  I was honest and open with my kiddos and friends.  They loved me through the hardest of days and because I can forgive and let it all go, so can they.  That is AMAZING to witness.  It makes being a mom and friend have such a deeper meaning.

If you are feeling bullied, reach out.  You are not alone.  You never were.  You never will be.  I am here and so are many many others who feel your hurt.  It sucks.  However, being on the other side, it is a HUGE gift in so many ways.  It has reminded me who I am.  It has strengthened the relationships that matter.  Am I sad, well yeah.  There are a lot of losses.  Do I grieve?   Uh huh.  But grieving is healthy.

What can you do?

• Make peace with your truth.
• Surround yourself with others who care about everyone.
• Be honest and kind.
• Forgive and Move On!

If you are having a hard time with the about, read up and get some knowledge.  There is power in knowledge.

Beating the Workplace Bully: A Tactical Guide to Taking Charge

Steal Like an Artist

I Am That Girl

I am here for you.  I am here for them.  I will continue to strive to be honest, kind and creative.  Bye bye to feeling bullied.  Good riddance.

XO,

Laura

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